Recognise that suffering to some extent is very common in people with terminal illness and that family and friends also suffer but often from different causes. Need to recognise the cause of the suffering, if possible to remove the cause , if not to manage as well as possible. May not be able to alleviate the cause, but sometimes acknowledgement of the problem will suffice. A Chinese proverb sums it up well "You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow flying overhead but you can prevent them from making nests in your hair".